~pandorasparadox

Yesterday, I was having a decent conversation with a good friend about university, when a nearby gentleman interrupted;

“Yeah, you’re at uni… but what do you want to do?”

I answered the question as truthfully as I could and I told him of my dream to be a writer. A dream that I have had since childhood, similar in scope to my dream of attending university. A goal that I have already accomplished. I spoke of my ideal world, owning my own bookshop and becoming a writer, this is my dream. After pretending that he was engaged in my conversation and remotely interested, he perused a totally different and irrelevant topic, leaving the original conversation intruded and in tatters.

However today, I got to thinking about that seemingly irrelevant moment. What do I want to do? Well, I know that I have always dreamed of becoming a writer so, that is high on my list and, owning a bookshop, again an important dream. I would also like to teach. Not in this country though, the idea of maintaining the interest of a classroom filled largely with hyperactive, uninterested, “Vikki-Pollard” like characters does not enthral me in the slightest. Yes, I know that this is a highly stereotyped image but, unfortunately for the United Kingdom of Britain, the fallen Empire, it is true.

So, I plan to teach in South Korea for a year or so. The money is plenty to live on. I will be doing something worthwhile, I will gain knowledge of the world and I will undoubtedly learn many things about myself, develop my language skills, meet new people and, do something actually really want to do. Fair enough you say but it’s not a career. Well, perhaps I don’t want a career. Perhaps I want something different from my life. I look around me and see nothing but commodities, greed and a world that is increasingly dominated by globalisation. I don’t need to be unhappy in a job or in life and, for me, if it means travelling and perusing my dreams then why should my dreams be disregarded or rubbished.

I do not believe for one second that the chap who asked me what I wanted to do with my life is happy with his own life. Perhaps he hasn’t realised that once we are born, we are on a one way, no exit route, to our own death. Why should we not enjoy each day of our own lives, striving to please ourselves rather than our employers or even our friends and family.

Over the last year or so, I have come to realise that life can end at any moment. I do not want to get sucked into the mundane 9 to 5 work routine. Getting up, going to work, hating work, drinking more coffee than is healthy to make work bearable, going home, cooking dinner, feeling too tired to do anything remotely interesting, turning on the TV, watching pointless programmes that you forget the next day, then going to bed. Only to repeat the exact same thing for years and years, creating a bitter, wasted and resentful life. In reality, we work to consume useless commodities that we really don’t need. Every day, our lives are bombarded with images of products and services, we are told how our lives will be better if we own the latest this or that. How many people can really afford every product that they desire, they cant afford it so they put it on credit. They have the item but are worried about the debt, they try to pay off the debt but see other items or services that reinforces desire for other products that, in the long run, you do not need.

The question still floats in the air like acid rain “What do you want to do.” What if I said I wanted to do nothing but be? I want to be happy, to live a life that I enjoy not a life that bores me or that I can not stand to be a part of. I want to be myself in a world that is increasingly dominated by moving quickly to tomorrow, without even contemplating the life that you have lived today. I want to do what I dream. To feel as complete as I can in a word that is fragmented more than it cares to believe. What I want to do is benefit the lives of others rather than just my own life. I want to see the world that we live in, embracing each day and, be content with what I have.

I’m not saying there is anything wrong with striving for more as, this would be wrong. We all have to strive to take bigger steps and better ourselves, but in direct relevance to what I want to do with my life, I want to be better tomorrow than I was yesterday and, if tomorrow doesn’t arrive then, to be happy with what I achieved today. Each night when I go to bed I want to feel that I have made a difference to someone else’s life and, if I cannot make a difference to the life of someone else, to at least make a difference to my own existence.

It is suggested by many that the key barrier to choice is money. The message? If you want choice, and who doesn’t you have to get out there and get going. Money gives choice. Choice gives freedom. Whatever the area of consumption, from crime protection to clothes, from health to education, from cultural industries to cars, money is the final arbiter. (Gabriel and Lang, 1995: 32) My teaching in South Korea will provide me with enough money to live on and some to save for when I am not working for my own survival. I am not teaching for the money, I am teaching because it is something that I want to do.

I am far luckier than many people in the world and, I am eternally grateful for that but, I don’t want to be like everyone else. I want to live on my terms, making my decisions, not living at the whim of an employer, counting down the days until the weekend, saving until the next holiday, knowing that after two weeks in some shitty tourist filled destination, I will be forced to return home, complete with sunburn, cheesy tourist t-shirt and diarrhoea, to a mundane, monotonous and truly insignificant life.




Gabriel, Y. and Lang, T. (1995) The Unmanageable Consumer. London: Sage